In January, my husband and I were delighted to discover that I was pregnant! I was not really expecting it or planning on it, but I was very excited, especially in light of all my experiences. I felt God was blessing our marriage and redeeming all that I had lost before. However, the week preceding my first doctor’s visit, I was questioning if everything was alright and was eager to go to my doctor’s visit to be reassured that it was. That was not the case. We could not find the baby’s heart beat and this was confirmed after being sent to the hospital. The beginning of this month I suffered a miscarriage of our child.
I know this can be a devastating loss for some, and while I did experience sadness and grief over an earthly loss of a blessing, I can honestly say that I know unquestionably WHO is ultimately in control of my life and I have total peace in this situation.
I KNOW that God is still GOOD even when we experience difficulties in this life. He still CARES, He's still THERE for us. He collects all our tears and all our prayers. Sometimes He tests us to see what's in our heart's. Sometimes He tries us so we will be purified. Sometimes, He never meant for us to experience pain or loss, but He will carry it for us and see us safely through. And sometimes we need to experience things so we can ultimately experience HIM in ways we wouldn't have if we didn't NEED Him desperately to be our Savior, our Redeemer or our Friend. It’s all for our GOOD. Yes, this is the TRUTH of Who God IS regardless of what we endure. He still is FAITHFUL, He still is TRUSTWORTHY, He still deserves all the PRAISE I have to give Him.
I KNOW my losses on earth are not forever. In God's kingdom, nothing's wasted; my losses can be turned around, either as valuable lessons, preparation for endurance or even blessings in disguise. We cannot see the bigger picture; we only see a little part. But God sees the complete picture and is lovingly concerned over every detail to work to our greatest good with the least amount of suffering. The gift God gave me can't be enjoyed NOW, but in just a little while, I’ll still get to see the child He gave to me. I have His PEACE, which is also a precious gift that cannot be bought. I have His JOY, despite the mourning. I have His ASSURANCE that it's all going to be OK! I know that HE IS FOR ME, regardless of what anyone says or what the circumstances look like. It’s just a testimony of what God has done in my heart and in my life that I can feel, know and experience His LOVE even in the worst of times. I KNOW GOD LOVES ME - I’ll have this forever and it's more precious than any earthly thing.
"Let the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, oh Lord, my STRENGTH and my REDEEMER." Psalm 19:14
"Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill His promises to her!” "My soul glorifies The Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for He has been mindful of the humble state of his servant. From now on all generations will call me blessed, for The Mighty One has done great things for me — Holy is His Name. His mercy extends to those who fear Him, from generation to generation." ~ Luke 1:45-50
As Mary said Lord, "Behold the handmaid of The Lord; be it unto me according to YOUR WORD."